Challenge the Status Quo

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I caught myself zig-zagging recently. Instead of sitting down to work, I ended up outside power-washing the house. And honestly? I’m glad I did. That mold had been sitting there for two years. Scrubbing it off reminded me: don’t always believe what you think. Don’t always accept your excuses.

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For two years, I told myself stories that made it fine to live with a moldy house. It’s not that bad. No one notices. I’ll get to it someday. I let the tape play in my head until it became normal. The status quo. Because the truth is — change is messy. And staying the same feels easier.

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But here’s the cost: when we choose the status quo, we don’t just live with moldy siding. We live with moldy patterns in our marriages too. We accept habits that drain us. We stay stuck in the same arguments. We run the same excuses instead of trying something new.

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And it makes sense why. Habits conserve energy. Familiarity is safe. But think of the last time you learned something new with your partner — how vulnerable it felt, how exhausting, how alive. Change takes energy, yes, but it also brings possibility.

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Relationship intelligence means challenging the status quo. It means asking yourself: Where have I accepted the mold in my marriage? Where have I convinced myself it’s easier not to deal with it?

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Because here’s the thing: standing where you are and looking toward what you want can feel daunting. Sometimes it feels like all we do is change. But we never know what’s on the other side of old patterns. As Pema Chödrön reminds us,

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“When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure.”

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Go seek adventure together. Get messy. Don’t settle for mold — in your home or in your love.

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