If it is not simple it is not understood.

Part of me wants to delete the title. The art of showing up to a blank page with the intention of sharing ways of being in a complicated world and naming the answer to be simple is bold. Or it feels bold to my current nervous system. We can have different truths.

I recently told a client that I too get mad at the process of my work. She looked at me wide in her eyes and held her breath: Let’s be clear. I love my work. Recently, I had to ask myself if I would do this work even if the perceived benefit was not there aka I was not “making money” and the answer is still yes. Yes, I will continue to fully show up for the clients who come across my path. Yes, I will continue to distill down complicated practices so that they are simple and understood by women and couples so that they may create a thriving life even when I can’t see the clearest path in front of me. These tools are needed back in the hands of ordinary human beings.

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So why did I share that I too get mad at this process? I shared because the work I am walking her through is not sexy. The work is not instagramable. The work is not flashy and sometimes it is not even tangible.

You know what this work is though? It is a repeatable process that you can use at any point in your life once you have mastered it. You can start to understand yourself and be guided to turn your ordinary days into days that are flowy and even your hard days you start to understand are showing you something on your path that is asking to be understood.

I wear a running watch because I am a runner and it counts my steps. I have worked very hard to detach from needing to hit a certain number of steps a day though it is something I check in and see how much I did. The watch doesn’t run me, I work with it as the tool it is. The attachment to good or bad and the attachment to my perceived self-worth from my accomplishment is not there. With that in mind…somedays I choose to make sure I hit my goal. Why? Because it feels damn good to hit goals.

So here we were last Friday night and I was 40 steps away from my goal as I climbed into bed. Some days I let it go but that night I checked in and decided I wanted to hit the goal and so I walked around the house and as I did that I saw the pink sky at 10:15pm. Pink sky?!? I ran outside to see the sky in many different colors purple, pink, and green lying amongst the stars and the moon. I was so thankful in that moment. Sure the internet says it wasn’t real and you get to believe what you want to believe… my decision to hit that goal led me to see something I have never seen before and that is magic.

Here is why this story matters: my running watch is not in the spirit of mindfulness. The act of “needing” to hit that goal is also perceived as not mindful and yet it led to a moment of deep gratitude and peace. WHY? Because I allow myself to change and ebb and flow and I do the daily unsexy work of mastering my mind and my emotions.

I know that emotions are information. I know that I will change and evolve as time goes on and I know that life is full of tools that we as humans have assigned meaning too.

But what does this have to do with simplicity vs confusion? Everything. When I get lost in the confusion or the shoulds of how to be in this world aka attached to my beliefs about how things are…I can no longer make sense of what’s true to me.

If I had fought myself to hit my step goal because “productivity is bad” or “hustle culture is hurting the planet” I would have gone to bed feeling bad about myself because I wanted something that others told me was bad and I denied myself what I really wanted in that moment. I created confusion. When I checked in and did what I felt I wanted to do I created space for life to unfold for me.

When you are in a state of confusion I urge you NOT to make a choice. In fact, I urge you to slow down and either get quiet or do what you have to to distract yourself from your thoughts in that moment. Once you are quiet, once you are back in your body THEN ask the question or don’t…because the real answer will always be simple and you will know when you know.