Do you ever just stop? Can you ever just stop?

Do you ever just stop? Can you ever just stop?

Most moms I know answer no to both these questions. No they never stop and they can not stop.

Stopping is a learned behavior. Stopping and resting. Stopping and breathing. Stopping and just not doing the next thing you were about to do is LEARNED.

People who don’t know me well say things like “Mary - you are always so busy”. I often look at them confused. I stopped being busy years ago. Seriously. I am not busy. I am actually rather intentional (now those who do know me are laughing because I am OVER THE TOP intentional).

Busy is not some badge of honor to wear and get kudos. Though if you partake in busy the world will shower you in kudos. You will hear things like “how does she do it all?” or “I can’t believe she has so much energy” all the while knowing that you are running on borrowed bites of food and no sleep.

Busy comes at a cost. Busy means missing the finer things in life. Bush means missing the final leaves falling from the trees. The crunch of frost first thing in the morning. Busy means missing how much your friend misses you because she is holding down her own fort at home. Busy means not being fully present at home or with your baby.

Intention though breeds gratitude. Gratitude opens the doors to a less busy life. Through intention and gratitude you can start to practice stopping.

At first you stop for a moment to catch your breath three times a day. You remind yourself that breathing intentionally is the first connection back to you- you control your breath.

Then you start to look around you and name 5 things you are grateful for that day. Do this every day.

After a while you’ll want more of what brings you gratitude and when you start to get busy- you’ll start to see this moments as moments you lost your connection to yourself. Once again you return to the breath and find something you are grateful for to focus on. Just repeat this forever and you’ll be fine!

I want to say that I know postpartum depression and anxiety can create a disconnect from gratitude. So can things like PTSD and increased stress… if this is you know that therapy, somatic work, breath work and other trauma based treatments focused on nervous system regulation can help.