Returning to what is

"The wise heart is at peace with the way things are." - Jack Kornfield

I floated around the house last night, reminding myself to come back into my body at almost every turn. I stepped over the balance bike. I maneuvered around the trains, the cups, the half eaten mac and cheese all while focusing on returning to now. Returning to seeing my children explore life. Returning to what is and was actually in front of me in real time.

My son, almost three, opens the freezer to get an ice pack. He throws it on the floor. He does it again. My first thought, as I sit there holding his sister who cries when I put her down, is to say "It's too loud". I feel that thought. I allow myself to have that thought. Then I choose to say "O, you are learning that the ice pack makes sounds." I ask him to try dropping the defrosted ice pack to see what happens. It doesn't make a sound and he moves on to something else.

We ebb and flow like this all night. At one point both the kids have returned to the kitchen counter for the fourth time. I am continually thinking: stay with what is here. My mind does wander. It wanders to the questions like "why can't I be this present all the time?" and "why is it so much harder to be in this moment when my husband is home?".

In this ebb and flow, there are moments of big tears. Huge tears. I don't even know why the tears are occurring and these moments feel like they will last forever. In these moments I give myself permission to feel the sadness and the pain that can come with staying present to someone's tears. I give myself permission to remember that my emotions are not my children's and therefore their emotions do not have to be mine.

I focus on the fact that all emotions typically last 90 seconds. I know that after those 90 seconds it is the thoughts that I allow into my brain that keep the emotion alive or allow the emotion it run it's course.

This practice of staying with what is has not come with ease. I have resisted this practiced and often require the support of others to pull me back into what I can control. That being this moment right now. This is the only moment I have to tend too.

Staying present in the chaos takes radical acceptance of the here and now. Radical acceptance does not mean that we a) like the thing/agree with it, b) wish it to come around more or c) want it to continue. Radical acceptance DOES mean no longer fighting against the reality of the here and now.

It is in this surrender of what is that we find extended peace. This is a practice and not a place you land forever and ever. No this is a daily task, ritual, THING. It is the returning to your body, I often say "stand in your feet". I mean be fully where your feet are at that moment. It servers everyone the most when we can do this.

For you it might be a mantra (ex. this is the moment that matters), a breathing technique, or a post-it note to bring you back into the moment. One technique that works for many is to "act the opposite". If you want to scream, feel that feeling and then do something to laugh. If you want to cry, FEEL the sadness and then do something to cause you to smile. In our house we sing what we want from the other person often as a way to change the energy in the room. Whatever it is that brings you back to what is right in front of you IS the goal.

It is as simple and as complicated as that you. What can you control to stay present in the chaos? This moment - right here.