What if we saw this differently?

Currently, I have a list of 34 books on my “to-read list”. I think about this list often. In some ways, this lists haunts me. There is a version of myself in my mind that reads books nightly. And if you ask me, I tell you I am an avid reader. Which is true when comes to reading for research that I want to share with clients and actually not true when I hold on to the idealized version of a person who reads nightly before bed.

Some nights I achieve this version, this idealized avid book reader. I read in bed till I fall asleep and those days I give myself an extra pat on the back. My expectations actually met my reality.

It was not until recently when a friend said something to the effect of “It’s not like you have the time to read right now”. At that moment I wanted to bark back “What do you mean- of course, I can read”. She had unknowingly shed light on a version and expectation I hold myself too and felt exposed. Instead, I laughed and let her words sink in over the next few days.

An innocent comment that I could not shake. “Not enough time? What does that mean! Of course, there is time, there is always time”.

Let me stop myself right there and you too, you kick ass human agreeing with my high expectations.

There is not always enough time.

There is not always enough hours in the day.

You and I are NOT being “lazy” for not reading or following through on certain tasks when life around us is moving at a force so fast that there are days we all forget to breathe.

In fact, maybe the actual truth is that my expectations are not based on my current reality. Maybe you feel me here. I am not saying I will never be an avid night time book reading fool and I know that is not the season I am currently in right now. This mental shift is a way to give me space and grace. I urge you to try it. If you want help- I’m here.