When you’re in pain it’s easy to think something is wrong with you.

To feel like there is something broken inside.

To wonder if something internal is malfunctioning because you cannot do all of the things required of you and manage to be happy at the same time.

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Your brain quickly fills up any free mental space with all of the ways to fix the problem:

Maybe you need to get up earlier so you have more time for a positive morning routine.

Maybe you need to practice gratefulness more.

Maybe you should exercise more.

Maybe you should find a group to join.

Maybe you need to get more organized.

I’d like to interrupt that endless cycle of rumination with some new thoughts:

Maybe nothing is wrong with you.

Maybe it feels hard BECAUSE IT IS HARD.

Maybe you are exhausted because what you are experiencing IS EXHAUSTING.

Maybe you are sad, depleted, and deeply unsure about life because what you are experiencing is life-altering and mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging.

Our feelings are important messengers.

They point to our deeper needs. Like needs for support, rest, connection, understanding, and play.

Our feelings signal to us when our needs are being met (like when we feel joyful after a meaningful, deep conversation) and when they are not (like when we’re frustrated because someone did not understand us in an important conversation).

Sometimes the circumstances in our lives do not allow our needs to be met. Sometimes there isn’t space for rest or recuperation. Sometimes we do not have the connection and support we deeply desire.

In those periods, painful emotions of sadness, exhaustion, pain, and anger arise.

It does not mean you are broken. In fact, it means you are a healthy functioning human. It means your spirit is in tune with your needs. It means your signaling system - your feelings - are on point and working.

When we recognize that, we can stop blaming and shaming ourselves. We can see how the external environment is impacting us and we can make real choices that get to the root - instead of trying to fix something that was never broken in the first place.

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About the Author:

Jackie Schuld is an Art Therapist (ATR) whose private practice is devoted to women who experience overwhelming thoughts and emotions. She is an autistic individual who is endlessly and delightfully creating art, essays, books, and herself. You can see and read more at www.jackieschuld.com.

Currently, I have a list of 34 books on my “to-read list”. I think about this list often. In some ways, this lists haunts me. There is a version of myself in my mind that reads books nightly. And if you ask me, I tell you I am an avid reader. Which is true when comes to reading for research that I want to share with clients and actually not true when I hold on to the idealized version of a person who reads nightly before bed.

Some nights I achieve this version, this idealized avid book reader. I read in bed till I fall asleep and those days I give myself an extra pat on the back. My expectations actually met my reality.

It was not until recently when a friend said something to the effect of “It’s not like you have the time to read right now”. At that moment I wanted to bark back “What do you mean- of course, I can read”. She had unknowingly shed light on a version and expectation I hold myself too and felt exposed. Instead, I laughed and let her words sink in over the next few days.

An innocent comment that I could not shake. “Not enough time? What does that mean! Of course, there is time, there is always time”.

Let me stop myself right there and you too, you kick ass human agreeing with my high expectations.

There is not always enough time.

There is not always enough hours in the day.

You and I are NOT being “lazy” for not reading or following through on certain tasks when life around us is moving at a force so fast that there are days we all forget to breathe.

In fact, maybe the actual truth is that my expectations are not based on my current reality. Maybe you feel me here. I am not saying I will never be an avid night time book reading fool and I know that is not the season I am currently in right now. This mental shift is a way to give me space and grace. I urge you to try it. If you want help- I’m here.